“you need to become resigned…” What?!


In the advice column in the  ‘Life’ section of the Gaston Gazette, you can find this interesting question and answer.

In a nutshell, a home-schooling mom is worried about her 7-year old son. At a gathering they attend once a week, some other boys are becoming very aggressive. None of the other parents say a word to their children as they push her kid around. She doesn’t know what to do (as evidenced by the advice she’s given her boy).

The moderator’s answer is in large part very good.  1) Boys will always try to determine their place in the ‘pecking order’. (For the record, so do girls, and adults).  2) Don’t step in and try to fix the problem- that will make it worse 3) Stop giving conflicting messages (you cant stand your ground and then accept being forced to the end of the line).

Then the columnist seems to misplace  his mind. He suggests that the beleaguered 7-year old:

  • Ignore the problem (the oldest and flimsiest cliche)
  • Remove himself  from that group (uncomfortable? run away!)
  • Go to the end of the line voluntarily and not give the bully a chance to knock him around

All of these suggestions will set this youngster up for a lifetime of victimization.

The staff writer confesses that he endured more than his share of  getting ‘pecked on’. Obviously, he never changed his station and accepted his lot as the low man on the totem pole.  But not everyone will be happy as the pariah of their peers, and to give council that would condemn a child to that fate is vile.

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